17 Red Flags When Dating an Older Man

It is not uncommon for younger women to be attracted to older men. It can be a lot of fun to date someone who is more experienced, financially stable, and mature.

However, there are also some concerns and drawbacks when it comes to dating a man who is 10 or 20 years older than you.

Unfortunetly some older men can sometimes be more manipulative than younger guys because they have more life experience.

Some of these older men might also be married and just looking for physical fun with someone younger and more attractive than their wives.

If you are looking for a genuine connection, you probably don’t want to end up with someone who is only interested in sleeping with you and will ghost you when he gets bored.

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You also need to keep in mind that the older guy you are interested in may be at a different stage in his life than you which can be a source of conflict if you are not willing to compromise.

For example, he may be ready to settle down and start a family or even retire, while you might be more interested in partying, having fun, and just finding yourself.

It doesn’t mean that a relationship between a younger woman and an older man is always doomed to fail, it just means that you have to be extra careful before jumping head first into something you might regret later.

So let’s take a look at potential red flags to watch out for when dating an older man to avoid getting into a toxic or manipulative relationship with someone you have nothing in common with.

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Red Flags When Dating an Older Man

1. He Expects You to Change for Him

You don’t have to change your style, hobbies, job, or friends just to please the man you are dating.

If the guy doesn’t like you the way you are then he is probably not a good match for you.

2. He is Possessive and Jealous

Jealousy in small amounts can be cute but if your partner is constantly accusing you of cheating or looking at other guys, it’s a huge red flag.

Similar to jealousy, possessiveness is normal in small doses but if your boyfriend is constantly checking up on you, demanding to know your whereabouts, or accusing you of hiding things from him, it’s time to re-evaluate your relationship.

3. He is Got Anger Issues

If the older man you are seeing has a bad temper, it should be an immediate red flag for you.

Be especially careful if he easily gets mad over small things, or has a history of domestic violence.

4. Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse.

If your new partner regularly insults, belittles, or otherwise tries to put you down, it’s time to move on before it is too late.

5. Lack of Trust

A relationship without trust is just a ticking time bomb.

If the older man you are seeing doesn’t trust you, it’s only a matter of time before he starts snooping through your things or trying to control your behavior.

6. He Tries to Isolate You

Does your partner try to keep you from seeing your friends or family?

Does he make you feel like you can’t do anything without him?

This is a serious red flag and often a sign of an abusive and toxic relationship.

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7. Gaslighting

If your new boyfriend regularly tries to make you doubt your own memory and perception of events, that’s gaslighting.

If you’re questioning whether you’re overreacting or if something really did happen, trust your gut and get out.

8. Unhealthy Attachment

If your partner is unable to be away from you for more than a few hours or becomes irrationally angry when you do something without him, that’s a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

9. He Doesn’t Want You to Meet His Friends or Family

He may say he doesn’t have any close friends or family, or he may say they’re all busy.

Either way, if he’s not introducing you to the people who are important to him, it’s a red flag.

Maybe he is afraid of being judged for dating someone so young or maybe he wants to keep your relationship secret because he is already married.

10. He Always Wants to Be in Control

In every situation, he has to be the one in charge. He decides where you go, what you do, and when you do it.

When you try to voice your opinion he objects to it or makes it sound like you have no idea what you are talking about.

If you notice that the man you are seeing is overly controlling it is usually a big red flag.

11. He Doesn’t Want to Commit

If you want something serious but the guy you are seeing is not interested in a relationship or commitment, it usually means that you are not compatible.

Don’t be naive thinking that staying longer with him and giving him everything he wants will somehow make him commit to you.

Staying with someone who is clearly not interested in anything serious with you is usually a waste of time and might even hurt your mental health by making you doubt your self-worth.

12. He Doesn’t Want to Talk About the Future

When you bring up things like marriage or kids, he changes the subject or tells you that he’s not ready for that kind of commitment.

That is usually another red flag that the guy you are seeing doesn’t have any long-term plans for you and sees you as a quick fling.

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13. He is Married

If the older man you are dating is still married or is in a long-term relationship with someone else, it is a big red flag.

Don’t waste your time being someone’s mistress because in most cases guys always go back to their girlfriends and wives as soon as they get tired of you.

14. He Has Too Many Exes

If the older man you are interested in has been married multiple times and has a lot of ex-girlfriends it is usually a sign that he has commitment issues.

15. He Moves Too Fast

He wants to get serious right away and start talking about marriage and kids.

He might even pressure you into moving in together before you’re ready.

This is a huge red flag. Take your time and don’t let anyone pressure you into anything.

16. He Is Always Busy

Older men are often work-obsessed, and while that can be attractive at first, it can also be a bit frustrating if you’re looking for a serious relationship.

17. He Flirts With Other Women

It’s one thing to appreciatively glance at an attractive person walking by, but if your man can’t keep his eyes off other women (or worse, if he openly flirts with them), that’s a sign he’s not fully invested in your relationship.

Read next: What Attracts an Older Man to a Younger Woman?

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