87 Examples of What to Say When He Can’t Get It Up

It’s your first time with a guy you’ve just started seeing.

The setting is perfect – romantic music hums softly in the background, low lighting sets an intimate ambiance, and there is a strong tension between you two.

Everything is ready for a magical night, but then just as things start to heat up, an unexpected problem arises: he can’t get it up.

The air that was once filled with anticipation now seems heavy with uncertainty. The momentum of the evening takes an unexpected turn. What do you do? What do you say?

This can be a tricky situation even for the most understanding of us. It’s a delicate topic that needs to be handled with grace and sensitivity.

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So, let’s take a look at why this happens, what it means, and how you can navigate this situation tactfully and effectively.

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What Does It Mean When a Man Can’t Get Hard?

No matter how strong your chemistry is, how attractive you find each other, or how passionately in love you are, there may come a time when your man can’t get it up.

This can be awkward and incredibly frustrating, not just for him but for you too.

You are there in the heat of the moment, ready to show your love, but his body refuses to cooperate.

It leaves you both wondering and possibly worrying – what’s next?

The real challenge comes when you don’t know what to say or how to react.

You might be wondering if it’s something you’ve done or even worry that he doesn’t find you attractive anymore.

Maybe something more sinister crosses your mind, like the possibility of him straying. But hold on a second and take a deep breath.

In reality, this issue is more common than you think. Known as erectile dysfunction (ED), it is a health issue that affects many men worldwide.

It might surprise you, but ED is primarily linked to various physical and psychological factors like stress, anxiety, certain medical conditions, medication side effects, or unhealthy lifestyle habits such as excessive drinking or smoking.

That’s why in most cases, it’s not about his attraction to you, his feelings for you, or any infidelity.

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Are Guys Embarrassed When They Can’t Get It Up?

Most certainly! Men often feel embarrassed when they can’t get an erection.

There’s a societal pressure on men to always be ready and able to perform. So when they can’t perform, it can lead to feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment.

So how do you help alleviate all this awkwardness?

Reassure him that it’s okay: “Hey, it’s okay. These things happen sometimes. I still enjoyed our time together, and I hope you did too.”

Downplay the emphasis on intercourse: “You know there are so many other ways we can be intimate and enjoy each other’s company without intercourse.”

Encourage open communication: “I want you to feel comfortable enough to talk about anything with me. Your feelings matter.”

Validate his masculinity: “This doesn’t change how manly and attractive you are to me. Today is just not your day.”

Appreciate his other skills: “Remember how you played with my hair last time? Or when you made me shiver just with your fingers? You have magic in your touch.”

Show understanding: “It’s perfectly normal and happens to everyone at some point.”

Express care and concern: “Is there something else on your mind that’s bothering you? I’m here to listen if you want to talk.”

Promote patience: “We have all the time in the world to make this work. There’s no rush.”

Don’t miss: Why Your Boyfriend or Husband is Bad in Bed and What to Do About It.

What to Say When He Can’t Get It Up?

1. “It’s okay; we don’t need to rush anything.”

2. “I think we’re both feeling a bit of pressure. Let’s just enjoy our time together.”

3. “We can always try again later when you’re feeling more relaxed.”

4. “Let’s explore other ways to satisfy each other.”

5. “Is there something else you’d like to do tonight? We can always try again when you’re more comfortable.”

6. “It’s okay, love. We can just cuddle tonight.”

7. “No worries, you’ve been working so hard lately. Let’s just relax.”

8. “How about we just lie in each other’s arms tonight?”

9. “It’s okay; why don’t we watch that movie you’ve been talking about?”

10. “I’m really enjoying just being close to you right now.”

11. “Let’s take this time to simply appreciate each other’s company.”

12. “Let’s not rush things. We have all the time in the world.”

13. “Let’s focus on other ways to please each other tonight.”

14. “I love you, no matter what happens in the bedroom.”

15. “We can try again later; no pressure.”

16. “How about we change the scene? A bubble bath might be relaxing!”

17. “Oh well, more time for pillow talk!”

18. “Let’s switch things up and give massage a try.”

19. “I’ve got an idea! Why don’t we try some sensual yoga poses?”

20. “You’re perfect to me, even when things don’t go as planned.”

21. “Let’s create a different kind of intimacy tonight.”

22. “There’s no hurry; let’s take our time.”

23. “This doesn’t change how much I want you.”

24. “How about we take a soothing shower together?”

25. “Doesn’t this mean that I owe you one?”

26. “Let’s just make out and see where it takes us.”

27. “You’re still the hottest man alive to me.”

28. “Don’t worry about it; these things happen.”

29. “Your body needs rest too.”

30. “It doesn’t always have to be physical.”

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31. “It could be stress or exhaustion. Let’s not worry about it.”

32. “This is quite common and happens to every man at some point.”

33. “I heard that stress can sometimes cause this. Is there anything bothering you?”

34. “This doesn’t change how I feel about you at all.”

35. “Do you want to talk about it?”

36. “Let’s take a break and continue when we’re both ready.”

37. “I still enjoyed our time together.”

38. “We can try again when you feel better.”

39. “Do you want a massage?”

40. “Why don’t we just watch a movie and relax?”

41. “Let’s keep exploring each other in other ways.”

42. “Don’t stress on this; it can happen to anyone.”

43. “Everyone has off nights; don’t worry about it too much.”

44. “I’m here for you, no matter what.”

45. “It happens to everyone at some point, don’t stress.”

46. “Maybe we can focus on other ways to be intimate?”

47. “It’s not a big deal; let’s just sleep tonight and try again in the morning.”

48. “You’re under no pressure to perform perfectly every time.”

49. “How about we focus on me this time?”

50. “It’s completely normal, don’t worry.”

51. “Let’s have a relaxing bath together instead.”

52. “How about we try some foreplay?”

53. “Let’s take things slow and see what happens.”

54. “Maybe we can try again in the morning?”

55. “How about we watch a movie and snuggle instead?”

56. “Could there be something on your mind that’s bothering you?”

57. “There’s no rush; let’s enjoy our time together.”

58. “We can always try again later.”

59. “Do you want a special massage to help you relax?”

60. “Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?”

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61. “I still find you incredibly hot.”

62. “Would it help if we switched roles tonight?”

63. “Let’s not put pressure on ourselves. We can always try again later.”

64. “There are many other ways we can please each other.”

65. “Let’s take a break and talk about something fun.”

66. “It’s not a big deal.”

67. “Maybe you’re just tired tonight. That’s okay.”

68. “Don’t stress about it, love.”

69. “Can I give you a massage? Maybe that will help you relax.”

70. “You’re amazing in so many other ways; this doesn’t change a thing.”

71. “Let’s try something different?”

72. “Let’s focus on some other fun things we could do together instead!”

73. “I understand, and it doesn’t upset me.”

74. “Does anything specific help when this happens?”

75. “We have more than one way to be intimate.”

76. “You’re still the man I love.”

77. “It’s nothing to be embarrassed about.”

78. “Shall we just take a rain check?”

79. “I’m sticking with you through thick and thin.”

80. “Remember, it’s not a race.”

81. “How about we spend tonight just kissing?”

82. “Let’s turn off the lights and just feel each other.”

83. “We can try again whenever you feel comfortable.”

84. “Perhaps a bit of music might help set the mood?”

85. “Would it help if we tried some role-playing?”

86. “How about we take things slow tonight?”

87. “I love you with or without an erection.”

Read next: 101 Things to Say in Bed to Turn Him On

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