You’re going about your day, minding your own business, when suddenly, you receive a text from your boyfriend or girlfriend.
It reads something along the lines of, “Hey, I don’t think this is working out. Let’s end this.”
The feeling of shock and betrayal washes over you. You wonder what you did wrong or what happened to cause this sudden decision. And to top it off, it’s done via text – the ultimate sign of cowardice and disrespect.
We’ve all been there or heard stories from friends who went through a similar experience.
It’s hurtful, confusing, and leaves you feeling like you deserve some sort of closure or chance to have the last word.
So if you have been unceremoniously dumped via text and are looking for the perfect savage reply to get the last word, here is a long list of examples to give you some ideas.
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Savage Replies to Break Up Texts
1. “You’re breaking up with me over text? That’s okay; I was getting tired of dating you anyway.”
2. “I didn’t know we were close enough for you to break up with me.”
3. “I couldn’t agree more! High five for dodging that bullet!”
4. “Guess it’s time for me to start recycling all those cute couple photos for Tinder.”
5. “Oh good, I was looking for an excuse to reactivate my dating apps.”
6. “Well, at least now I won’t have to pretend to like your friends.”
7. “Maybe next time you’ll have the guts to do it in person.”
8. “I’ve always wanted a breakup story that started with, ‘Once upon a text…'”
9. “You must be a magician because you just made all my feelings for you disappear.”
10. “Was it something I said or something you couldn’t say?”
11. “Can’t say I’m surprised – I always knew I was too good for you.”
12. “I’m glad you finally realized that I deserve better.”
13. “Breaking up over text? How original and brave of you!”
14. “Hey, thanks for letting me know that I don’t need to waste any more time on you!”
15. “You’re right, we should break up – my friends will be relieved!”
16. “Oh no, my life is over! Just kidding, see ya!”
17. “May your next relationship be as brief and unremarkable as this text.”
18. “I was going to say the same thing, but I wanted to do it in person like a grown-up.”
19. “You’ll make a great story for my next date!”
20. “I guess it is time for me to upgrade anyways.”
21. “Can I get your mom’s number? I want to stay friends with her.”
22. “New phone, who is this?”
23. “Oh, was I still dating you? My bad.”
24. “You must have meant to send that to someone else because I broke up with you in my head weeks ago.”
25. “You’ll be missed by someone, I’m sure.”
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26. “Bye, Felicia!”
27. “I was just about to suggest you see other people… like therapists.”
28. “Honestly, I’ve been waiting for this text for a while now.”
29. “I’ll probably miss your dog more than you.”
30. “You’ve just made my therapist very happy.”
31. “I guess this means I don’t have to pretend to like your cooking anymore.”
32. “Well, that’s one less birthday gift to buy.”
33. “Great! I’ve been trying to figure out how to break up with you for weeks.”
34. “Oh no, now who will be there to disappoint me on a regular basis?”
35. “It’s about time I was getting tired of pretending to like I like you.”
36. “Wow, I didn’t realize my standards were that low.”
37. “I’m sure your sister will be happy – she always loved me more anyway.”
38. “Aw, I’ll miss your cat. You? Not so much.”
39. “Oh no! How will I ever recover from this devastating news?”
40. “Oh, sweetie, if only you knew how many people were waiting in line.”
41. “Congrats on finally finding the courage to dump me through a text. Clearly, you’re winning at life.”
42. “I was planning on changing my Netflix password anyway.”
43. “Thanks for saving me from wasting more time on a lost cause like you.
44. “Hold on, let me forward this to my friends so we can all laugh together.”
45. “I’m sorry, but our breakup will cost you a $50 inconvenience fee.”
46. “Should I expect an ‘I miss you’ text in a few months?”
47. “The only thing more awkward than our relationship is the way you ended it.”
48. “Our relationship is like a broken iPhone – it’s not worth fixing.”
49. “Unsubscribe.”
50. “It’s okay, I’ll just date your best friend. She is much hotter anyway.”
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51. “Thank goodness! I’ve been trying to figure out how to end this without hurting your feelings.”
52. “It’s cool my dog never liked you anyway.”
53. “Breaking up over text? Classy as always.”
54. “I always wondered what it would be like to date a coward, so thanks for that experience!”
55. “Thank you for reminding me that I deserve better.”
56. “Oh, honey, don’t flatter yourself – I was just about to send the same text!”
57. “Wow, and I thought I was bad at making decisions.”
58. “All this time and you still don’t know how to pick up a phone and call?”
59. “Don’t worry, I’ll tell people we broke up because of ‘creative differences.'”
60. “Can I get a refund for all the time and effort I invested in you?”
61. “It’s been real…ly disappointing.”
62. “You’re right; we’re not working out because I’ve been carrying this entire relationship from day one!”
63. “I’m more upset about losing my Netflix access than losing you, to be honest.”
64. “You must have been taking breakup advice from a 13-year-olds.”
65. “At least now I don’t have to listen to you talk about yourself all the time.”
66. “My therapist will be thrilled about this new material.”
67. “I’ve always wanted to play the field, so you’re doing me a favor!”
68. “It’s not you; it’s your terrible texting.”
69. “You must be confusing me with someone who cares.”
70. “Honestly, my dog will miss you more than I will.”
71. “Can’t believe you broke up with me before I could break up with you.”
72. “You weren’t my type anyway, but thanks for the practice run.”
73. “Texting me this? How classy of you!”
74. “I guess my parents were right about you after all.”
75. “Perfect timing! I was running out of excuses to cancel our plans.”
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76. “Oh no, who will I watch terrible Netflix shows with now?”
77. “At least I won’t have to listen to your snoring anymore.”
78. “I guess you’ll be returning that engagement ring, then?”
79. “I was running out of reasons to tell my friends why you were still around.”
80. “Can I keep the hoodie you left at my place?”
81. “My horoscope did say I should expect a change in my love life.”
82. “I’ll miss your Netflix account, but I won’t miss you.”
83. “Alright, let me just update my relationship status on social media. Oh, wait, it’s already at ‘Single.'”
84. “I thought you’d never ask!”
85. “Perfect timing! My ex just texted me.”
86. “You’re not really good at this, are you?”
87. “I was getting bored of you anyways.”
88. “Thanks for freeing up some much-needed space in my life.”
89. “Your message has been marked as spam.”
90. “You’re like expired milk – not worth crying over.”
91. “You can now officially join my ‘ex-club.”
92. “It feels like Christmas came early this year…”
93. “Too bad, I was just starting to tolerate you.”
94. “Thanks for the breakup text. I was worried I’d have to spend another $50 on your birthday gift.”
95. “Oh, you’re breaking up with me? I thought you were breaking up with your personal trainer because you haven’t lost any weight.”
96. “Oh no! Who will I spend my money on now?! Oh wait, there’s literally everyone else.”
97. “I was thinking about getting a new pet. Thanks for making room for one.”
98. “Congratulations, your subscription to me has been successfully canceled!”
99. “I was planning on a spring cleaning anyway.”
100. “Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any better.”
101. “Phew! Now I don’t have to delete my Tinder account.”
102. “But who’s going to help me reach things on high shelves?”
103. “Oh no! Whatever will I do without your constant nagging?”
104. “Just so you know, my rebound game is strong!”
105. “Wow, your maturity level is astounding!”
106. “Hope your next girlfriend has a good return policy!”
107. “Well, at least now nothing is stopping me from dating somebody younger and hotter!”
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