If you are not familiar with Hinge, it is a dating app similar to Tinder and Bumble.
It is very popular among single men and women looking for a more serious connection.
Creating a dating profile and writing about yourself is usually the most boring part when it comes to online dating and to make it easier Hinge doesn’t have a bio.
Instead singles on Hinge can choose from the list of different prompt questions they can answer so that others can get to know them.
Here are 500 unique funny ideas for your Hinge dating profile. (Or you can use them on any other dating app)
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Examples of Best Funny Hinge Prompt Answers
Dating Me is Like…
1. Watching the first episode of Game of Thrones. You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into.
2. Waking up after a night of drinking and not having a hangover.
3. Finding out you left your house unlocked all day and nothing was stolen.
4. Having somebody do something nice for you out of the blue.
5. Getting a hot shower after 7 days of backcountry camping.
6. Waking up because of an alarm but realizing it is Saturday and you don’t have to go to work.
7. Finding out your school has been canceled and you get to sleep in.
8. Getting back to your car after a night of drinking and finding a donut and a coffee inside.
9. Getting an extra scoop of ice cream for free.
10. Not having to worry about what you’re going to wear because everything in your closet is clean and fits perfectly.
11. Catching a snowflake on your tongue.
12. Going to a party and finding out that you’re the best-looking one there.
13. The drink after a long day at work.
14. Putting on a comfy pair of sweatpants.
15. Getting an inheritance from your distant relative.
16. Getting the first perfect bite of your favorite food.
17. Finding your favorite shirt in your dresser after you thought you lost it.
18. Watching the sunset on a warm summer evening.
19. A roller coaster: full of ups and downs, sometimes you scream, sometimes you laugh, sometimes you cry…
20. A walk in the park… except there are land mines everywhere.
21. The Hunger Games: may the odds be ever in your favor.
22. A job interview: you’re never quite sure if they’re going to offer you the position or not.
23. The first day of vacation.
24. Your favorite TV show coming back after a long hiatus.
25. Getting a birthday gift from someone you were not expecting
26. Getting a huge tax refund.
27. A cold drink on a hot day.
28. Getting a massage after a long run.
29. Finding your credit card in your wallet after you thought you lost it.
30. Your team winning after being down the whole game.
31. Getting a promotion at work.
32. Your favorite song coming on the radio right when you need it.
33. Waking up to find your dog snuggled up against you.
34. Waking up to sunny skies after a week of rain.
35. The last day of school.
36. The day you graduate from college.
37. Winning a lottery and texting your boss that you are not coming to work anymore.
38. Paying off your last credit card bill.
39. The day you finally move out of your parents’ basement.
40. Getting the gift that you were waiting for all your life
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My Most Irrational Fear…
41. Falling down a manhole.
42. Becoming a paraplegic.
43. Losing my glasses.
44. Getting trapped in a room with my ex.
45. Having a really ugly baby.
46. People seeing me dance.
47. Getting my arm caught in a roller coaster.
48. Getting locked in a car trunk.
49. Being the last one picked for a sports team.
50. Losing my teeth.
51. Being trapped in a car that’s sinking in quicksand.
52. Being chased by a swarm of fire ants.
53. A plague that makes everyone blind.
54. Losing my hair.
55. Losing my phone
56. Getting a paper cut because it’s just so darn painful.
57. Falling asleep on a bus and missing my stop.
58. The sound of fingernails on a chalkboard.
59. Getting stuck in small spaces.
60. Getting swallowed by a whale.
61. Getting eaten by an anaconda.
62. That I’ll spontaneously combust.
63. Getting struck by lightning.
64. That an alien will abduct me and experiment on me.
65. That I’ll wake up one day with no arms or legs.
66. That I’ll forget how to breathe and just die.
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Worst Idea I’ve Ever Had…
67. Trying to peel a banana with my feet.
68. Cutting my own hair.
69. Thinking I could get a better view from behind a tall electrical fence by standing on a chair.
70. Bathing with my cat.
71. Not following the instructions on the bottle of medicine.
72. Sleeping with my contact lenses.
73. Telling a cop that I’m a cop as well when he pulls me over for speeding.
74. Putting out a cigarette with my tongue.
75. Telling my parents that I was going to quit school to follow my dream of being an exotic model.
76. Telling a woman at a bar that I’m a famous rock star and she has to sleep with me if she wants an autograph.
77. Getting a henna tattoo on my face before my dream job interview and had it not wash off in time.
78. Trying to open a jar of pickles with my teeth.
79. Trying to push a door open with my face.
80. Telling a guy who has a crush on me that I’m into girls.
81. Trying to have a serious conversation with a guy who is checking out my chest.
82. Trying to pet a baby bear that I met on my last hike.
83. Superglueing my hand to my face.
84. Eating an entire jar of Nutella in one sitting.
85. Jumping out of a moving car.
86. Getting a tattoo of my ex’s name.
87. Shaving my eyebrows.
88. Eating only fast food and drinking Red Bulls for a month.
89. Lying about my skydiving experience
90. Booking a one-way ticket to a random country.
91. Getting surgery to look like my favorite celebrity.
92. Sticking my hand in a beehive.
93. Licking a frozen metal pole.
94. Petting a grizzly bear.
95. Eating a live octopus in Japan.
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Weirdest Gift I’ve Given or Received…
96. A restraining order from my ex.
97. A wig for my dog.
98. A box of tampons.
99. A bible.
100. A bunch of business cards with “EAT ME” printed on them.
101. A sword.
102. A frog in a jar.
103. A Barbie doll.
104. A chinchilla.
105. A 🍆-shaped candle.
106. A box of old adult magazines.
107. A gift certificate for a lap dance.
108. A box of expired c0ndoms.
109. A pet goat.
110. The membership for Weight Watchers
The Award I Should be Nominated for…
111. Best at making inappropriate jokes
112. Winning personality.
113. Keen fashion sense.
114. The best beard
115. The best singer in the shower.
116. The best for pretending to know what’s going on.
117. The best at making excuses
118. The best napper
119. The person with the shortest attention span of the year
120. Most likely to embarrass themselves in public
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I Go Crazy for…
122. The smell of fresh-cut grass.
123. A cold drink on a hot day.
124. The smell of freshly baked cookies.
125. The smell of the ocean.
126. The guy who can put together furniture.
127. A big comfy chair.
128. A good night’s sleep.
129. A day at the spa.
130. My mom’s roasted chicken.
131. The sound of my own voice
132. Women that know how to cook
133. A pedicure that lasts for more than a week.
134. My bed after a long day.
135. A full body massage.
136. The sound of rain on the roof.
137. The first cup of coffee in the morning.
138. A hot shower after a long day.
139. Men with six-pack abs.
140. New shoes that fit perfectly.
I Bet You Can’t…
141. Twist your neck and look behind you.
142. Lift your legs above your head.
143. Touch your nose with your tongue.
144. Walk backward on your hands.
145. Wiggle your ears.
146. Touch your elbows together behind your back.
147. Touch your nose with your toes.
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I’m Convinced That…
148. You can never have too much ice cream.
149. It’s okay for men to cry.
150. I am the reincarnation of Cleopatra.
151. I am the best driver in the world.
152. The voices in my head are always right.
153. No matter how hard you try, you can’t force someone to love you.
154. The perfect wingman will always be my dog.
155. It’s never too late to do something you’ve always wanted to do.
156. I would be the only one to survive a zombie apocalypse.
157. I am missing out on my calling as a famous rock star.
158. That life is just one big conspiracy.
159. That I was meant to be a billionaire
160. That unicorns are real.
161. That extraterrestrial life exists
162. A good massage is the answer to all of life’s problems.
163. I deserve a Nobel Prize for my groundbreaking work in the field of napping.
164. I am a professional couch potato.
165. I am a world-renowned expert in the field of procrastination.
166. I’m being watched by the NSA/God/Aliens.
167. I’m not easy. I just have low standards.
168. I’m not rude. I just have poor social skills.
169. Our kids will be hot.
I Geek Out on…
170. Dog or cat videos.
171. Playing video games.
172. Japanese animation!
173. Cosplay
174. Sci-Fi movies
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I Know the Best Spot in Town for…
175. The best cup of coffee you’ve ever had.
176. The most delicious cupcakes and donuts.
177. To be served by hot bartenders.
178. To get down on the dance floor.
179. A romantic date on a Friday night.
180. The best happy hour deals.
181. To get a massage.
182. The best place to take selfies.
183. The best place to relax and unwind.
184. To watch the sunset.
185. To take a nap
186. Watching people fall down the stairs.
187. The best place to people watch and judge them silently
Worst Fad I Participated in…
188. Having a name necklace.
189. Skirts that were so short you could see my underwear.
190. Wearing huge sunglasses that covered half my face and made me look like a bug.
199. Wearing socks with sandals.
200. Having a tongue ring.
201. Saying “n00b”.
202. Saying “Duh!”
203. Wearing a belt bag.
204. The Harlem Shake.
205. Filming myself eating.
206. Wearing a necklace around my ankle.
207. Taking pictures of food and posting them on Instagram
208. Doing WAP challenge on TikTok
209. Having the man bun
210. Buying Bitcoin
211. Wearing pants my pants so low you could see my thong
212. Getting one of those fake tattoos that last for two weeks
213. Shaving one side of my head
214. Wearing a belt bag
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On My Bucket List…
215. Take a selfie with the President’s wife.
216. Go to a zoo and eat a sandwich in front of a lion.
217. Go to the DMV and try to get a new license photo with a haircut that makes me look like a Viking
218. Dress up as a zombie and scare old people at a retirement community.
219. See what happens if I pee off the top of a tall building.
220. Go to a rave and steal someone’s glow sticks.
221. Take a picture of a mannequin and share it with the caption “Look who I ran into today!”
222. Go on a date with a supermodel.
223. Win the lottery.
224. Get punched in the face by a celebrity.
225. Go on a safari and pet a lion.
226. Spend a week living in a remote cabin in the woods with no electricity or running water.
227. Get lost in a foreign city and see where the wind takes me.
228. Go on a road trip with no specific destination in mind.
229. Quit my job and travel the world for a year.
230. Get a pet llama and take it for walks around the neighborhood
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Facts About Me That Surprise People…
231. I don’t usually wear underwear.
232. I’m afraid of needles.
233. I’m afraid of the dark.
234. I can do a backflip.
235. I’ve never had a pimple.
236. I’m afraid of spiders.
237. I love the smell of gasoline.
238. I’m allergic to watermelons.
239. I’ve never had a cavity.
240. I was once a professional dancer.
241. I enjoy going to clothing-optional beaches.
242. I can wiggle my ear
243. I don’t know how to drive.
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Together We Could…
244. Get matching tattoos to prove our love for each other.
245. Solve the world’s water crisis.
246. Find a cure for hangovers.
247. Win the Nobel Peace Prize
248. Be the first two people to get married in space.
249. Bring the world together by having a child that is part Swedish, part Taiwanese, and part American.
250. Make love on the Great Wall of China.
251. Write a book about our travels after we return from our trip.
252. Solve the problem of world hunger.
253. Become famous by being the first people to ever have a baby on the moon.
254. Make the perfect team of con artists and pull off the biggest heist ever.
255. Write a best-selling book about our adventures together.
256. Save the world from global warming.
257. Have the most perfect wedding ever.
258. Become professional competitive eaters.
259. Live in a van and travel around the country
260. Open a petting zoo
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The Dorkiest Thing About Me…
261. I sing in the shower.
262. I sleep with a nightlight
263. I have a weird obsession with Halloween.
264. I love the color purple.
265. I like to sniff things.
266. I keep a journal.
267. I still believe in Santa
268. I like to go to the movies alone.
I Get Along Best with People Who…
269. Enjoy “A Christmas Story”.
270. Like cats more than dogs.
271. Don’t mind a little bit of awkwardness.
272. Are open-minded
273. Don’t take life too seriously
274. Enjoy a good debate
275. Are okay with being weird.
276. Don’t have a problem with spoilers.
277. Have never seen an episode of The Bachelor/Bachelorette.
278. Love you for all your quirks and imperfections.
279. Don’t mind if I sing in the shower.
280. Don’t get offended easily – life’s too short to be angry all the time!
281. Are comfortable with silence – sometimes it’s nice just to enjoy each other’s company without having to fill every silence with conversation.
Read next: 100 Short Dating Profile Examples (To Copy and Paste)
The Way to Win Me Over Is To…
282. Make me your one and only
283. Buy me a ring.
284. Change the oil in my car.
285. Buy me a puppy.
286. Tell me that you were thinking about me at work.
287. Tell me that you’re just as nervous as I am.
288. Cook me dinner and do the dishes.
289. Sing karaoke with me (even if you can’t carry a tune).
290. Send me flowers “just because”.
291. Put your phone away when we’re together and give me your undivided attention.
292. Give me a back massage without me even asking for one.
293. Bring me food when I’m studying for finals.
294. Make me breakfast in bed.
295. Walk with me hand-in-hand under the stars.
I’m a Regular At…
296. The dog park
297. The Grammys.
298. The Bachelor.
299. The local bar
300. The emergency room.
301. Sephora
302. Zoo
303. Starbucks
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Don’t Hate Me If I…
304. Think your mom is hot
305. Don’t like the Kardashians.
306. I’m not a ‘dog person’.
307. Love sugary drinks.
308. Have an obsession with Shakira.
309. Don’t know how to parallel park.
310. Watched all the Twilight movies.
311. Read all 50 Shades of Grey books.
312. I’m not into yoga.
313. I don’t really like coffee.
314. I think kids are annoying
315. I don’t know how to cook
316. I’m a little bit OCD
317. I prefer winter over summer
Green Flags I Look For…
318. Good taste in music.
319. The ability to make good drinks.
320. A positive outlook on life.
321. Being on the same page about your future.
322. The ability to make a mean cup of coffee.
323. Someone who can roll with the punches.
324. Emotional intelligence
325. A partner who understands your love of dogs
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I Want Someone Who…
326. Will dance with me, even if there’s no music playing.
327. Will eat ice cream with me, even when it’s cold outside.
328. Will never use the phrase “we need to talk”.
329. Will finish my sentences for me because they know me so well.
330. Is okay with being second best, after my cat of course.
331. Still believes in love even after being disappointed a few times.
332. Will watch all the Marvel movies with me, even though they’re not really their thing.
333. Gives me space when I need it, but is always there when I want them.
334. Won’t mind if I want to cuddle more than talk sometimes.
335. Will never give up on me, no matter how hard things get.
I’m the Type of Guy Who…
336. Is always cold no matter what the temperature is
337. Is always up for coffee, even if it’s in the middle of the night
338. Always has your back, no matter what
339. Is always willing to lend a shoulder to cry on
340. Never runs out of cheesy pickup lines
341. Is always ready for an adventure, no matter how dangerous
342. Gets lost in his own thoughts a lot
343. Believes that love conquers all
A Shower Thought I Recently Had…
344. I’d rather have a conversation with someone who has opposing views than someone who agrees with everything I say.
345. If you think about it, cats are kind of like little lions. Minus the whole man-eating thing.
346. If aliens landed on Earth and asked to speak to our leader, I’m pretty sure they’d be disappointed with who they ended up meeting.
347. The best way to start my day is by not setting an alarm and waking up when my body is ready.
348. If I could trade places with any animal, I would choose to be a bird so I could fly.
349. I look better when I’m not wearing clothes.
350. If time travel is possible, then where are all the tourists from the future?
My Biggest Date Fail…
351. Was when I accidentally spit my gum out on his face.
352. Was when I stepped in dog poop.
353. Was when the waiter spilled red wine all over me.
354. Was when a bird pooped on me.
355. Was when I tripped and fell down the stairs
356. Was when I accidentally called him by my ex’s name.
357. Was when I stepped on his foot and he yelped in pain.
358. Was when I spilled my drink on him.
We’re the Same Type of Weird If…
359. You also think socks with sandals is a high fashion statement.
360. You rehearse arguments in the shower that you lost five years ago.
361. You consider watching true crime documentaries a romantic evening.
362. You believe that your pet definitely understands full sentences.
363. You dance like nobody’s watching—but in the grocery store aisles.
364. You use rock-paper-scissors to make major life decisions.
365. You celebrate your birthday by giving presents to others.
366. You have a playlist just for showering, another for cooking, and one for cleaning.
367. You’ve named every plant in your house and talke to them daily.
368. You’ve been late because you started contemplating the meaning of life in your towel post-shower.
369. You make up backstories for random strangers while people-watching.
370. You sort your books by color rather than author or genre.
371. Your idea of an adventurous day is browsing the weirdest corners of the Internet.
372. You’ve thrown a birthday party for a pet.
373. You’re convinced that if you were an animal, you’d be a slightly confused penguin.
I Recently Discovered That…
374. I can sleep through an earthquake and not even know it happened.
375. My neighbor has been stealing my Wi-Fi to stream farm animal documentaries.
376. My dog has a better social life than I do.
377. Singing in the shower doesn’t actually improve your voice, but it does alarm your neighbors.
378. My plants are plotting their revenge for years of neglect.
379. There exists an unspoken competition among my friends on who can give the worst dating advice.
380. My cooking can, in fact, set off the smoke alarm even when following a recipe.
381. Socks can indeed disappear into a parallel universe via the dryer.
382. I can name more types of pasta than I have friends.
383. Pigeons may be planning to take over the world, or at least my balcony.
384. My neighbors believe I’m conducting a weird scientific experiment because of all the plants dying on my balcony.
385. I am the unofficial therapist for four different friend groups.
386. The amount of time I can spend picking a Netflix show is enough time to have watched two movies.
387. My talent for avoiding responsibilities is almost mythical at this point.
388. A full moon does indeed turn me into something… mostly just very sleepy.
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I Unwind by…
389. Recreating iconic movie scenes with my pets as the lead actors.
390. Listening to true crime podcasts and plotting how I’d avoid getting caught.
381. Arguing with Alexa.
382. Watching cooking shows and yelling advice at the contestants like a sports fan.
383. Practicing acceptance speeches for awards I’ll never win.
384. Speaking in Shakespearean English to my household appliances.
385. Making up background stories for strangers I see in public.
386. Rewriting song lyrics to be about my day-to-day life.
387. Testing the limits of how many snacks one can consume before it’s considered a problem.
388. Conducting social experiments on my unwitting family members.
389. Planning imaginary vacations I’ll go on when I win the lottery.
390. Simulating being a contestant on survival shows while camping in the backyard.
391. Writing overly dramatic diary entries about my day as if it were a novel.
My Cry in the Car Song…
392. “Happy Birthday” – Because I’m another year closer to social security.
393. “Who Let The Dogs Out” – It hits differently when you’re truly questioning life choices.
394. “Baby Shark” – On repeat, to remind me of my questionable parenting moments.
395. “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston – Only because I can’t reach those notes and it’s tragic.
396. “Let It Go” – Because sometimes you just can’t hold it back anymore (the tears or otherwise).
397. “Eye of the Tiger” – A reminder that grocery shopping on a Saturday is a competitive sport.
398. “Highway to Hell” – When my GPS keeps recalculating.
399. “WAP” by Cardi B & Megan Thee Stallion – Because I spilled my water bottle…again.
400. “All By Myself” – When the drive-thru forgets part of my order.
401. “Under Pressure” – Perfect for when the tire pressure warning light comes on… again.
402. “Before He Cheats” by Carrie Underwood – When the Uber Eats guy eats my fries before delivery.
403. “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” – Ironically, while running errands for the entire family.
404. “Staying Alive” by the Bee Gees – Midway through a soul-crushing Monday.
405. “Bad Day” by Daniel Powter – Because sometimes you just need a theme song.
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My Simple Pleasures…
406. Smelling books before I read them.
407. Correctly guessing the time without a clock.
408. The first sip of coffee in the morning.
409. Peeling the plastic off new electronics.
410. Stepping on crunchy leaves.
411. The sound of rain when I’m in bed.
412. Watching dogs tilt their heads in confusion.
413. The cold side of the pillow.
414. Hitting green lights all the way to my destination.
415. Sleeping in fresh bed sheets.
416. Getting a compliment from a stranger.
417. The smell of gasoline.
418. Hearing my favorite song on the radio.
419. That moment when my computer remembers my password.
My Love Language…
420. Sending memes at ungodly hours.
421. Building IKEA furniture without arguing – a true test of love.
422. Sharing my fries, even when I said I wasn’t hungry.
423. Tagging you in animal videos instead of saying “I miss you.”
424. Giving you the bigger half of the last cookie.
425. Suggesting we split a dessert and then eating 90% of it.
426. Buying you books I know you’ll never read.
427. Pretending to be interested in your fantasy football league.
428. Binge-watching your favorite show without you but faking surprise at all the plot twists.
429. Being your personal hype man on social media for mediocre posts.
430. Laughing at your jokes even when they’re not funny – because love is blind, and apparently deaf too.
431. Remembering how you take your coffee – with an impressive level of detail and concern.
432. Letting you control the playlist on road trips, a true sign of trust.
433. Donating to Wikipedia in your name because knowledge is power, and so is love.
434. Keeping a stash of your favorite snacks that I pretend to dislike so you can have them all.
435. Waiting to watch the next episode of our show together, even if it takes superhuman patience.
To Me Relaxation is…
436. A marathon of documentaries about conspiracy theories.
437. Scrolling through memes and calling it self-care.
438. A bubble bath with a rubber ducky as my therapist.
439. Cleaning my room but actually just moving stuff to new random places.
440. Rewatching old cartoons.
441. Participating in the competitive window staring.
442. Creating abstract art with spilled food.
443. A deep dive into the internet’s weirdest rabbit holes.
444. Daydreaming about being interviewed on talk shows for my mundane life achievements.
445. Trying to break my record for most naps taken in a day.
446. Binge-watching cooking shows and then ordering takeout because I’m inspired but lazy.
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Change My Mind About…
447. Pineapple on pizza being a culinary crime.
448. Cats being aliens in disguise.
449. Karaoke being a form of torture.
450. The belief that one can never have too many shoes.
451. The idea that a day without coffee is acceptable.
452. The thought that making bed every morning is a waste of time.
453. That all birds are actually government spies.
454. Believing that every book is better than its movie adaptation.
455. Convincing me that winter is better than summer.
456. The theory that Bigfoot is just an introverted hiker.
457. That every cat secretly practices witchcraft when their humans aren’t looking.
This Year I Really Want to…
458. Find my socks that the dryer ate.
459. Become the undisputed karaoke champion of my neighborhood.
460. Accidentally get fit by running late to everything.
461. Learn how to cook something other than instant noodles.
462. Finish a shampoo and conditioner at the same time.
463. Stop talking to my plants and start dating real people.
464. Master the art of sleeping with my eyes open during meetings.
465. Invent a coffee that brews itself.
466. Perfect my “I’m working hard” face for video calls.
467. Start a petition to make napping an Olympic sport.
467. Learn how to be an adult without calling my mom for help every day.
468. Convince Netflix to stop asking me if I’m still watching.
469. Discover why I need 5 alarms to wake up in the morning.
470. Stop making plans that I secretly hope get canceled.
471. Remember my reusable shopping bags before getting to the checkout line.
472. Master the art of eating spaghetti without getting sauce on my shirt.
473. Figure out how to lose weight without moving or giving up pizza.
474. Create world peace, or at least peace with my noisy neighbors.
475. Prove that I can keep a goldfish alive for more than a week.
476. Stop buying plants when I’m sad and start watering the ones I already have.
477. Join a gym and actually go more than once.
478. Invest in a wine that pairs well with being broke.
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My Typical Sunday…
479. Trying to set a world record for the longest time spent in pajamas.
480. Arguing with Siri about the meaning of life.
481. Engaging in deep conversations with my plants about photosynthesis.
482. Trying to brew my own beer using only leftover pizza crusts.
483. Planning my campaign for world domination, starting with my living room.
484. Mastering the delicate art of not doing laundry.
485. Brunch with my imaginary friend, because they never judge my mimosa intake.
486. Arguing with my dog about who’s the real master of the household.
487. Going on a treasure hunt… in my own house. You’d be surprised what you find under the couch.
488. Determining if my goldfish has memory retention by repeatedly playing peekaboo with it.
489. Praising myself for getting out of bed before noon. It’s the small victories.
490. Trying out new accents on telemarketers.
491. Stalking strangers’ dogs on Instagram.
I’m Weirdly Attracted to…
492. The way someone looks when they’re completely lost in a book.
493. Someone who keeps plants alive; it’s like dark magic to me.
494. A person who starts dancing before the music even starts.
495. The serious concentration face someone makes while playing video games.
496. When someone is gently biting their lower lip while concentrating.
497. The excitement in someone’s voice when they talk about something they love, even if I don’t understand it.
498. Listening to someone practice a musical instrument poorly, but with so much enthusiasm.
499. People who get way too competitive over board games.
500. How some people can sleep anywhere, anytime, any position.
Biggest Risk I’ve Taken…
- Eating gas station sushi.
- Accidentally sending a ‘You up?’ text to my boss.
- Using my roommate’s toothbrush and never telling them.
- Trying to pet a raccoon because it looked “friendly.”
- Entering a hot chili pepper eating contest on a first date.
- Cutting my own hair after watching a 5-minute YouTube tutorial.
- Buying non-refundable tickets to Iceland with someone I just met online.
- Going skydiving… without checking if the company was legit.
- Starting a podcast about my love life.
- Installing my own electricity in my apartment via YouTube University.
- Trying to fix a plumbing issue with duct tape and hope.
- Adopting four cats in one day from a lady on Craigslist.
- Investing all my pocket money in “sure-win” lottery tickets.
- Riding an ostrich at a questionable animal park.
- Signing up for a marathon with no prior running experience.
- Deciding to live solely on Bitcoin.
- Giving myself a tattoo after a night out with friends.
My Life Goals…
- To have a coffee named after me – the “Extra Shot of Chaos.”
- To become fluent in speaking “dog” because humans are overrated.
- To petition for a national holiday dedicated to napping.
- To break a world record for something absurd, like the longest time balancing a spoon on my nose.
- To develop an app that perfectly translates what your cat is judging you for.
- To invent a dessert that makes you lose weight – and, no, not by food poisoning.
- To write a self-help book for plants on self-confidence and growth.
- To innovate the alarm clock: one that releases a pleasant aroma, gradually lulling you awake with the scent of bacon or fresh cookies.
You Should Not Go Out with Me If…
- You can’t appreciate a good joke.
- You’re against the idea of wearing matching holiday sweaters.
- You think tickle fights are for kids.
- You expect conversations to be serious all the time.
- You get mad when I accidentally call you by a pet’s name.
- You believe sarcasm is offensive.
- Your idea of an adventure doesn’t include trying every flavor at the ice cream shop.
- You won’t help me search for Bigfoot or Nessie on our vacations.
- You’ve never eaten dessert first “just because.”
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