You’re doing your thing. Scrolling. Listening to a podcast. Maybe just trying to find that photo from three summers ago when your hair looked amazing.
Then you see it. A comment. A DM. A weird string of heart emojis under someone else’s selfie. And it’s from your guy.
Your stomach tightens. Your brain does that full-body panic sprint. You start rereading the message like it’s a secret code.
“Is this cheating? Is this nothing? Am I overreacting or underreacting?”
It’s Not Just You. This Happens a Lot.
First off, you’re not being dramatic. Online flirting isn’t some niche issue. It’s everywhere. Social media makes it ridiculously easy to cross lines that used to require face-to-face effort. Now it’s just likes, comments, fire emojis, and thirsty replies.
And sure, it can feel harmless. Technically, they didn’t meet up. No clothes were removed. It’s “just a comment.”
But if your gut is screaming that it means something, there’s probably a reason.
So What Counts As Flirting Online?
Here’s the thing: flirting is subjective. What feels innocent to one person can feel like betrayal to another.
Some common online flirting moves:
- Commenting on someone’s looks repeatedly
- Sliding into DMs with playful or suggestive language
- Reacting to stories in a way that clearly isn’t just friendly
- Keeping up a private convo with someone who clearly wants more
- Deleting messages so you won’t see them
The context matters. If your partner’s calling someone else gorgeous in a one-on-one DM, that’s not just being friendly. That’s playing with fire.
Intentions vs. Impact
A lot of people will defend this kind of behavior with, “I didn’t mean anything by it.”
And maybe that’s true. Maybe your partner was just bored. Or wanted attention. Or thought it was harmless banter.
But here’s the catch: intent doesn’t erase impact.
You’re allowed to feel uncomfortable. You’re allowed to question things. You’re allowed to have boundaries around emotional loyalty, even if no one took their clothes off.
Why Do People Flirt Online When They’re in a Relationship?
There are a few reasons. None of them are fun, but here we go:
1. They crave validation. Getting likes, flirty comments, or attention makes them feel good. It’s low-effort dopamine.
2. They’re bored. Sometimes people treat online flirting like entertainment. Like scrolling TikTok, but with extra drama.
3. They want to test boundaries. Not always consciously. But sometimes people want to see how far they can go without “technically” cheating.
4. They’re emotionally checked out. This is the hard one. If someone is seeking emotional connection or attention from someone else, it could be a symptom of a bigger issue.
5. They think it doesn’t count. Thanks to how common it is, a lot of people have convinced themselves that if there’s no physical contact, it’s no big deal. Which, by the way, is nonsense.
But Is It Actually Cheating?
It depends. There isn’t a universal rulebook here.
But here’s a good test: if your partner wouldn’t do it with you sitting next to them, or if they’d be mad if you did the same thing, it’s crossing a line.
Even if they don’t call it cheating, it can still be a breach of trust. And that’s the real issue. It’s not about the label. It’s about whether it made you feel disrespected or blindsided.
Don’t Gaslight Yourself
Online culture loves to make you feel like you’re overreacting. Like, “It’s just Instagram” or “Everybody does it.”
But trust isn’t about the internet. It’s about how safe you feel in your relationship.
If your gut is telling you something’s off, don’t silence it just to avoid looking “jealous.”
You’re not crazy for wanting to feel secure.
Time to Talk (Not Accuse)
So now what?
Start with a real conversation. Calm. Curious. Direct.
Not, “Who is this skank in your comments?”
More like, “Hey, I saw that message you sent, and it made me feel uncomfortable. Can we talk about it?”
You’re not trying to trap them. You’re trying to figure out where their head is. And more importantly, where their heart is.
If they get defensive, dodge the topic, or turn it around on you? That’s a red flag.
If they’re open, apologetic, and willing to change behavior? That’s a starting point.
Set Boundaries Like Grown Adults
It’s time to get clear on digital boundaries. Yes, even if it feels awkward.
Ask each other:
- What feels like crossing the line?
- What’s off-limits in DMs?
- How do we handle attention from other people?
- Are we both okay with each other liking certain content?
This isn’t about control. It’s about respect. And understanding what makes each of you feel safe.
No assumptions. Just clarity.
What If It Happens Again?
Then it’s not a misunderstanding. It’s a pattern.
And patterns are choices.
If you’ve been honest about how it made you feel, and they keep doing it, that’s no longer a grey area.
They’re showing you what kind of partner they’re willing to be. Believe them.
You don’t need to stay in a relationship where your emotional safety is negotiable.
Flirting online isn’t just about pixels and emojis. It’s about what kind of emotional energy your partner is giving to someone else. And whether that energy used to belong to you.
You’re allowed to want loyalty that includes the digital world. You’re allowed to expect your partner to act single only if they are single.
Trust doesn’t survive on technicalities. It survives on mutual respect. So if something feels off, talk about it. And if they won’t change, walk.
You deserve someone who flirts with you online. And means it.
