Well, here’s something you may not come across every day. I am a woman in her late thirties, a loving wife and a caring mother, who values her fidelity. Our 10 years of marital bliss have been without betrayal or infidelity.
Lately, though, my husband has revealed a rather unusual fantasy – he wants to share me with another man. This idea is both new and strange to me.
During our dates, he encourages me to flirt with others, which I must admit, I sometimes find a little exciting.
Our bedroom theatrics often involve him blindfolding me and urging me to imagine it’s someone else. I don’t object because I find it appealing.
But do I want to turn this fantasy into reality? I am not sure.
If this sounds like you, here are some of the reasons why your husband might want to share you and what you should do about it:
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Why My Husband Wants to Share Me?
1. A Craving for Novelty
Could sharing you with another man or woman be his attempt at injecting some novelty and excitement back into your relationship?
If so, acknowledge this need for novelty by suggesting other avenues for new experiences that don’t involve breaching your comfort zones.
For instance, traveling to new places can release dopamine, helping to satisfy the craving for thrill and adventure.
This way, your partner’s desire for rejuvenation and newness can be fulfilled through mutually enjoyable activities without resorting to extremes.
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2. Power Play
Your husband may fantasize about sharing you because it gives him a sense of control or dominance over you.
If he gets a sense of satisfaction by seeing you as someone he ‘allows’ to be with others, it is vital to discuss these power dynamics and ensure they don’t infringe on your self-esteem or sense of security.
Introduce other means of control that are more mutual and harmless to the relationship.
For instance, suggest practicing light bondage games where he can control the situation but also make sure it doesn’t go beyond your comfort zone.
3. Attraction to Voyeurism
Voyeurism isn’t an uncommon fetish and has its roots in the instinct of wanting to watch other people make love.
However, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to consider bringing additional bedfellows into your bedroom!
Encourage experiments within safe boundaries to draw the line between kink and discomfort.
4. Emotional Enhancement
If he thinks sharing you physically with others might strengthen his emotional bond with you, it’s crucial to have an open discussion about emotional boundaries and commitments.
Try to figure out what drives this belief – does he feel emotionally distant?
If he does, try to spend quality one-on-one time where distractions are minimized, enhancing emotional intimacy.
5. Desire to Break Monogamy’s Shackles
Monotony and comfort zone? Maybe he feels confined by the definitions of monogamy and is looking for some polyamorous adventures.
Regular conversations about his aspirations will help understand if his fantasies align with yours or not.
It’s essential to address his fantasies without compromising your moral compass.
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6. Fulfilling Unmet Desires
He might feel inadequate in satisfying your specific desires and contemplate including someone else as a solution.
It’s vital to have open discussions about each other’s desires – does he meet your needs? What can be done if he doesn’t?
7. Facing Insecurities
Maybe he is just trying to face his insecurities head-on and this fantasy is one such attempt.
Encourage him to address his insecurities directly, perhaps through therapy or self-help books, or exercises without involving a third person.
Tell him, “Everyone has fears and insecurities; maybe we can channel them positively and not let them hinder our relationship.”
8. Pleasure from Stimulation
Your pleasure might be stimulating to him, even if it comes from an external source.
You can incorporate toys in your intimate routine as a halfway substitute to fulfill this desire.
Say, “How about we try and bring in the variety with toys first?”
9. Emotional Detachment
This unusual desire might hint towards an emotional void or detachment he is trying to fill.
Address any such feelings, suggesting therapy if required, reminding each other what initially brought you together.
10. Excitement of the Forbidden
Taboo excites people because of society’s restrictions and moral obligations; perhaps he is no exception.
Introduce him to other thrill-giving activities like bungee jumping or paragliding to feed his thrill-seeking behavior.
Say, “We could try some extreme sports as our couple thing – what do you think about skydiving?”
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11. Unusual preferences
He may have always had unusual preferences when it comes to intimacy – a harmless love for deviating from norms.
Assure him that it’s okay to have unusual preferences, as long as you are both comfortable with them.
You can say, “We all have unusual cravings; let’s see how we can align them better.”
12. Narcissism
Narcissistic traits often lead people to unusual demands and decrees in relationships.
If this describes him, consider relationship counseling to open avenues for amicable discussion on his fantasies.
13. Test of Trust
Maybe he’s testing your trust to see how far you’re willing to go to satisfy his needs. A discussion about his feelings can clarify this.
Express your concern about undermining trust by involving a third party in your relationship. Suggest exploring other ways to build trust without damaging your existing harmony.
14. Exploring New Horizons
He might believe that sharing you with other people could open new horizons of pleasure, which conventional intimacy methods might not provide.
In this case, talk about other harmless ways to explore such horizons, like trying out new dating spots, surprising each other, and role-playing.
15. Unresolved Childhood Trauma
Childhood trauma often manifests itself in unusual desires or fetishes in adulthood.
Encourage him to talk to a licensed therapist to discuss these underlying issues.
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