Let’s not sugarcoat it. Office chemistry is real. And sometimes it’s just innocent vibes and coffee banter. Other times? It gets complicated.
You’re minding your business, doing your job, when suddenly a coworker starts hovering a little more than usual. The compliments get oddly specific. The glances linger a beat too long. And you start to wonder: is this harmless… or are they angling for something more?
Affairs rarely start with fireworks. They start with little things. Quiet moments. Casual jokes that start crossing lines. If your gut is buzzing and you’re trying to figure out if this is just work-friend energy or something deeper, here are the signs that might help you sort it out.
They Start Acting Like You’re Their Secret Favorite
Everyone else gets a polite nod. You get full eye contact and inside jokes.
They light up when you walk into the room. They make excuses to talk to you, help you, or sit near you in meetings. And it’s not just friendly support. It’s extra.
If your interactions feel noticeably different from how they treat others, that’s not random. It’s intentional.
And if they’re married or in a relationship? It becomes even more telling.
The Boundaries Start Blurring
It might start small. Late-night texts “just about work.”
DMs that shift from spreadsheets to memes. Long walks to the parking lot. Private conversations in hallways that don’t feel entirely professional.
They confide in you about their relationship. They start sharing things that feel a little too personal for the workplace.
And you’re left wondering, why are we talking about your marriage while standing by the printer?
When work talk quietly turns into emotional intimacy, you’re no longer just coworkers.
They Downplay Their Relationship a Lot
When someone is seriously committed, they usually speak about their partner with respect. Not constantly, but casually. Like it’s just part of their life.
But when a coworker constantly mentions how distant or boring their relationship is, it starts sounding like they’re setting the stage. They’re not just venting. They’re planting seeds.
“We haven’t been close in years.” “Honestly, I don’t even know why we stay together.” “If it weren’t for the kids…”
That’s not just oversharing. That’s soft-launching their emotional availability.
They Give You Compliments That Go Beyond Professional
“You handled that presentation well” is normal.
“You looked so good up there” is not.
When compliments become personal, physical, or oddly intimate, it’s a shift.
Especially if they drop them casually, in passing, like they’re testing the waters. If you blush or reciprocate, they take that as a green light.
This is how a lot of office affairs start: with little moments that feel harmless until they’re not.
They Invent Reasons to Spend Time Alone With You
They suddenly need your help on projects you barely touch. They insist on coffee runs together. They “accidentally” run into you at lunch.
Coworkers collaborate. But when the collaboration always ends with long, one-on-one sessions that could’ve been emails, pay attention.
Especially if they’re strategic about when and where they talk to you. Affairs thrive on privacy. If they’re seeking it, they might be seeking more than just productivity.
They Test the Waters With Subtle Touches
A hand on your back. A light touch on your arm during a joke. Standing too close in the elevator.
It might seem small. But if it happens often, and especially if it feels intentional, trust your instincts.
People who cross emotional boundaries often test physical ones first, gently. To see what you’ll allow. To see if you’ll lean in or step back.
If you’re uncomfortable and they keep doing it anyway, that’s a whole other red flag.
They Treat You Differently Outside of Work
Maybe at a company happy hour, they’re suddenly way more engaging. A little flirty. More attentive. More personal.
They linger longer when saying goodbye. They remember details from old conversations. They text you afterward to say they had fun.
If their energy changes drastically once they’re off the clock, it’s not just alcohol. It’s intention.
A lot of workplace affairs don’t happen at work. They happen just outside of it.
Their Partner Is Never Mentioned Unless They Have To
You know they’re in a relationship, but you’d never guess from how they act.
They never say “we” or bring up their partner in conversation. If someone else does, they dodge the topic or brush it off.
It’s not that every conversation should be about their home life. But if they’re clearly keeping it off-limits, there’s a reason.
People with nothing to hide, don’t act like they’re hiding anything.
They Flirt, But With Plausible Deniability
This one’s tricky. They joke about dating you, but only in a “haha… unless?” kind of way. They compliment you in a way that feels loaded, then immediately pull back like, “Relax, I’m just kidding.”
It’s flirting disguised as humor. It gives them an out if you call it out. And it gives them a sense of control if you don’t.
It’s a tactic. It’s also a red flag. Especially if it keeps happening.
They Act Jealous or Weird When You Talk About Your Love Life
You casually mention going on a date or your partner picking you up after work, and suddenly their vibe shifts.
They get quiet. Or slightly snarky. Or they change the subject.
Sometimes they make jokes that feel a little too sharp. Other times they act like they’re not affected, but the energy shifts anyway.
This is not how coworkers usually act.
If it seems like they have a personal stake in your love life, they probably do. Or at least, they want to.
So What Do You Do If You Suspect It?
First, pause. Check in with yourself.
Are you flattered? Uncomfortable? Confused?
Then check the facts. Are they treating you differently from others? Are the boundaries shifting? Are you both starting to lean into something that doesn’t feel strictly professional?
If you’re not interested, draw a firm line. Don’t flirt back. Keep things polite but professional. Stop answering messages outside of work hours. Set clear, respectful boundaries.
If you are interested… take a breath. Think it through.
An office affair doesn’t just affect the two people involved. It affects reputations. Careers. Work dynamics. And if they’re in a relationship, there’s another layer of mess waiting to explode.
Ask yourself what this would look like six months from now. Ask yourself if it’s worth it. Be honest.
Whatever you decide, don’t let it just… happen to you. Make a choice.
Affairs rarely start with big declarations. They start with blurred lines. Know the signs. Know yourself. And don’t mistake attention for connection.
The office can be messy enough without adding emotional landmines to the mix.
