Discovering your husband’s affair was like a gut punch, wasn’t it? You braved the storm, chose forgiveness, and decided to give your marriage another shot, because hey, everyone deserves a second chance.
But then, boom! You find out he’s still lying to you.
Your mind is probably swirling with a mix of emotions – anger, sadness, betrayal. You’re questioning your decision to stay and wondering if trust can ever be rebuilt.
Are you wondering if you missed any red flags or if there were signs you overlooked?
Perhaps you’re battling fears of being alone or the thought of starting over. Or maybe, you’re just tired – tired of the lies, the disappointment, and the uncertainty of it all.
Today, we going to take a look at steps you can take if you find that your husband is lying to you again.
Check if your husband has a dating profile!
What to Do If Your Husband Is Still Lying After an Affair?
1. Try to Calm Down
First things first, press the pause button on your emotions. Try not to make any rash decisions while you’re upset.
Take a walk, a long bath, or even a weekend away to clear your head. This isn’t running away from the problem; it’s making sure you don’t tackle it while you’re full of rage.
You might even consider temporarily staying with a friend or family member if space is what you need.
Think of it as pressing ‘pause’ rather than ‘stop’ on your marriage.
2. Understand Your Feelings
Now, let’s dig a bit deeper. What exactly are you feeling? Betrayal, anger, sadness, a mix of these?
Perhaps you’re feeling insecure or doubting your self-worth.
Understanding your emotions is key to your next steps. It’s not about finding immediate solutions but understanding where your heart and head are at.
3. Have a Frank Conversation
Choose a quiet, private time to discuss your feelings with your husband. Approach the conversation with the intent to understand and be understood, not to accuse or blame.
For example, “I feel hurt when I discover lies because it makes me feel disrespected.” Listen to his side of the story too, but trust your instincts.
4. Set Boundaries
Boundaries are non-negotiable. Determine what you can tolerate and what’s a deal-breaker. It might be transparency with his phone, certain no-go topics, or even parts of his social life.
It’s like drawing a map for a safe and healthy relationship journey. And once these boundaries are set, they should be respected.
5. Reevaluate Your Relationship
Take a hard look at your marriage. Has it been more good than bad? Are these issues fixable, or are they the signs of deeper problems?
Consider the entire history, not just the recent events. This might involve some uncomfortable truths, but it’s necessary for moving forward.
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6. Keep an Eye on Finances
Money matters, especially if things head towards separation. Start gathering information about your joint finances – bank accounts, debts, assets.
Understanding your financial situation is crucial for any future decisions. This isn’t about mistrust; it’s about being prepared and informed.
7. Give Yourself Permission to Feel
It’s okay not to be okay. Allow yourself to grieve, to be angry, or even to feel relief. These emotions are all part of the healing process.
Suppressing them will only delay your progress. Think of it as cleaning out an emotional wound – it might hurt, but it’s necessary for healing.
8. Understand the Why
Understanding the reason behind the affair and the lies can offer insight into your husband’s mindset and the state of your marriage.
Was it due to unresolved personal issues, dissatisfaction within the marriage, or external influences?
Understanding the root cause can guide your next steps and help prevent a repeat of the past.
9. Consider Your Children (if applicable)
If you have children, their welfare is crucial in your decision-making. How will your decisions impact them?
It’s about finding the balance between your happiness and your well-being. This doesn’t mean sacrificing your happiness for theirs, but considering them in your plans.
10. Plan for the Future
Start thinking about what your future looks like, both with and without your husband. What does happiness look like to you?
Having a clear vision of your future can guide your current decisions and give you a sense of direction.
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11. Trust Your Gut
Deep down, you probably know what you need to do. Trust your intuition. It’s often smarter than we give it credit for.
If something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your gut is your internal guide, so don’t ignore it.
12. Remember Your Worth
You are deserving of a relationship built on trust, respect, and love. Your value does not diminish because of someone else’s actions.
Remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and the love you deserve.
Surround yourself with people who uplift you and reinforce your worth. Remember, your self-worth is inherent and not dependent on your relationship status.
13. Write a Letter to Your Husband
Sometimes writing a letter can be therapeutic. Write down everything you wish to say to your husband, expressing all your feelings without holding back.
You don’t necessarily have to give him the letter, but the act of writing can help clarify your thoughts and emotions.
14. Seek Legal Advice
If you’re considering separation, it’s wise to consult a legal professional. Understand your rights and the implications of separation or divorce.
This step is about being informed and prepared, not necessarily about taking immediate action.
15. Document Everything
If you’re considering a separation, start documenting relevant information.
This might include interactions with your husband, financial transactions, and other details that may be important in legal proceedings.
16. Build Financial Independence
Work towards financial independence. This might involve setting up your bank account, improving your credit score, seeking employment or promotion, or learning about investment and savings.
Financial independence is empowering and crucial for making independent decisions.
Read next: 50 Ways to Tell Your Husband You Want to Separate
