You’re scrolling. It starts innocent. A meme here, a dog video there, maybe a text thread about which Taylor Swift album defines your 20s. Then you see it. He liked her photo.
The girl with the perfect jawline. The kind of body that lives in gym ads. She’s in a bikini on a balcony somewhere sunny. Your stomach drops. It’s stupid, right? It’s just a like. You keep scrolling. Then you click on her profile. Then another. And another.
Now you’re in a rabbit hole of tiny waists, glossy hair, and surgically precise contouring. And even though he didn’t say anything, and you haven’t either, you feel like you just lost something.
If you’ve ever compared yourself to the women your boyfriend follows online, you’re not insecure. You’re human.
Let’s talk about how to stop giving so much mental real estate to people who don’t even know your name.
Start by Acknowledging the Feeling (Instead of Judging It)
You’re not crazy. You’re not immature. You’re not “that girl.” You’re reacting to a very real emotional signal: Hey, this made me feel small.
The goal isn’t to shut that down. The goal is to understand it.
It’s not really about the girls. It’s about the story your brain starts telling you when you see them.
He likes that. He wants that. He’s settling for me. I don’t look like that. I should look like that. I should try harder. I’m not enough.
None of that came from the post. It came from you. And not because you’re flawed. Because you’re wired to look for danger. To scan for rejection. To protect your place in your relationships.
That instinct used to keep us alive in villages. Now it’s triggered by thirst traps.
Remember: Algorithms Aren’t Desires
Let’s clear this up right now. Social media isn’t a window into your partner’s secret fantasies. It’s a slot machine made of selfies, marketing, and dopamine hits.
He might follow models, influencers, or gym girls. That doesn’t mean he’s comparing them to you. It might not even register as a conscious thing. Sometimes people follow accounts out of habit, boredom, or because they once liked a protein shake ad.
The algorithm isn’t a mirror. It’s a vending machine. And just because he pressed B7 once doesn’t mean he doesn’t love what he already has at home.
Ask What You’re Really Feeling Jealous Of
Spoiler: It’s usually not their looks.
It might be how confident they seem. How effortless their lives look. How they take up space without apologizing. How many likes they get.
That jealousy is data. It’s pointing to a part of you that wants more freedom. More attention. More self-love.
Instead of sitting in the shame spiral, ask: What about her triggered this? Not in a bitter way. In a curious one.
Maybe you want to feel sexy again. Maybe you miss dressing up. Maybe you feel disconnected from your partner. Whatever it is, the comparison is just a flashlight. Use it.
Get Off Her Page. Get Back Into Your Life.
There is nothing useful on her profile. Nothing. She could be lovely. She could be annoying. She could be photoshopped into another dimension. It doesn’t matter.
She is not the threat. The story you’re telling yourself about her is.
Mute. Unfollow. Block if you have to. Not because she did anything wrong, but because your brain needs a break. Obsessive comparison doesn’t lead to clarity. It leads to anxiety, detachment, and resentment.
Get back into your own body. Your own day. Your own joy. Go for a walk. Call a friend. Put on lip gloss just because. Literally anything that reminds you that you exist outside of a screen.
Talk to Him (If You Need To)
If the following feels disrespectful, or if his online activity is hurting you consistently, you’re allowed to bring it up. Not as an accusation, but as a boundary.
Try this: “I want to talk about something that’s been bothering me—not because I want to pick a fight, but because I want us to understand each other better.”
What you’re doing here is naming your experience without making him wrong. And that’s how adult conversations happen.
If he gets defensive or dismissive, that’s also data. You’re not asking him to live under a rock. You’re asking him to understand how something small online can feel big in your heart.
If he loves you, he won’t want you to feel disposable.
Examples of What You Can Say to Him:
- “I noticed some of the accounts you follow, and while I get that it’s just social media, some of it doesn’t sit right with me. Can we talk about it?”
- “I’m not accusing you of anything, but I’ve been comparing myself to some of the people you follow. I don’t want to sit on it and let it grow into something weird. Can we be real about it?”
- “Look, I know you’re with me and not anyone else, but I’d be lying if I said seeing certain stuff online doesn’t affect me sometimes. I just want to know where we stand with things like that.”
- “This isn’t about control. It’s about respect. If something you engage with is making me feel uncomfortable, I think we owe it to each other to talk about it, not pretend it’s nothing.”
These aren’t scripts to beg for reassurance. They’re confident, honest ways to open a real conversation. You’re not whining. You’re not blaming. You’re saying: this matters to me, and I want to hear your side too.
Boost Your Own Mirror
This isn’t the part where I tell you to say affirmations in the mirror while crying. But I am going to challenge you to build a better feedback loop for your own self-image.
Unfollow people who make you feel like crap. Follow people who remind you what real bodies and real women look like. Curate your feed like your mental health depends on it. Because it kind of does.
You don’t need to compete with strangers. You just need to reconnect with yourself.
Take photos you actually like. Wear outfits that make you feel like a ten. Flirt with yourself. Do whatever it takes to stop outsourcing your worth to women who aren’t even in the room.
Stop Making It a Competition You Never Signed Up For
It’s easy to turn this into a mental scoreboard. She’s skinnier. She has more followers. Her life looks cooler. But you’re not playing the same game.
You have something she doesn’t. Your partner chose you. Your connection isn’t filtered. Your laughs aren’t scripted. Your Sunday mornings aren’t edited.
This isn’t about being the hottest woman on his feed. It’s about remembering that love isn’t a competition. And if it ever starts to feel like one, that says more about the relationship than it does about you.
Final Thought
You were never meant to compete with curated strangers for your partner’s attention.
You are not an algorithm. You are not a backup plan. You are not a lesser version of someone in a bikini with a ring light.
You are a full person. A dynamic person. A person worthy of being loved out loud.
So the next time you catch yourself zooming in on someone else’s perfectly-lit thighs, pause. Take a breath. Remind yourself that no amount of likes or follows can replace emotional presence.
And then go be so rooted in yourself that no one online feels like a threat.
You’re more than scrollable. You’re unforgettable.
