Tinder. How do people squeeze love and romance from it so easily? How are there people out there who get matches and hookups on Tinder, when too often it seems like a desert of silence and lonely nights? Maybe Tinder wizards don’t actually exist. Or, maybe they’re just doing something right.
What’s the secret to getting messages and dates on Tinder every time? Here are a few tips and tricks to help you out:
- Don’t wait, initiate.
It might be obvious, but the first step to getting messages is to give them. Don’t be shy, take the first step and send a nice message to that pretty girl or a hot guy. Show some interest, and more importantly, show some confidence. If you take on the burden of the first message, not only are you putting them in a comfortable position, you’re also showing that you have the confidence to make those first moves and engage. Being shy might be cute, but you’ll have a hell of a time meeting people. So set aside the shyness and make that first step.
- Say Something Interesting.
Hey. What’s up? How are you doing? How’s your day? Seen these messages before? Maybe a bit bored with answering them? Yeah.
The vast majority of Tinder messages are plain-jane icebreakers with no creativity and, frankly, no distinction from the rest of the pack. Is it any wonder messages like these get lost, forgotten, ignored? Not really. People on Tinder get plenty of messages every day, especially if they’re attractive. You don’t want to be one of the dozen trash small-talks they get all the time. When making that first move, open with something original, something that can spark conversation.
What sort of movies are they into? What’s their profile pic from? Start out with something that’s not only unique but can get a conversation going. If you’re strapped for ideas, take a glance over their profile – maybe there’s a pic or detail there to help you get started. The most important thing is to stand out. No one wants to have the 100th conversation on how their morning’s going, and you usually wouldn’t say much to a stranger anyway. Instead, open with something new, and open with something tailored to them.
- Don’t Compliment the Physical
This might seem contradictory. You are on Tinder, after all, and everyone knows what you’re there for. But compliments on the physical are a dime-a-dozen, especially on speed dating apps like Tinder. Every guy and girl’s got a comment on their pretty eyes or great face. If a pic shows it off, they’re probably heard it already. And the worst compliment of all? “You’re hot.” Or the gentler variety, “you’re beautiful.” It might seem nice, but everyone’s heard it before. And like the above, it’s a generic compliment that doesn’t reference the person at all. “You’re beautiful” shows that not only are you here for their looks, you can’t come up anything more creative than a generic comment on it. Stay away from the physical: try to shift focus onto their personality.
- When it’s dying, let it die
Is the girl not responding to your messages? Does the guy seem unengaged in the conversation? It’s better to call it a day and move on. Don’t continue messaging someone who’s not responding, especially if it’s been days. If the message screen is filled up mostly with you, something’s gone wrong. It can come off as desperate to respond too quickly, or respond with too much when the other party only sends a text or two. (Unless they asked a question, obviously.) If you continue messaging with no response, it just gets creepy and desperate. And worst of all, “Why aren’t you replying?” or any variations thereof. Never try to guilt or bully the other party with a message pointing out their silence. It’s clingy, uncomfortable, and basically an automatic deal-breaker.
It can be hard to let a match go, especially when you’re into them, but there’s no forcing this. If they aren’t interested, move on. There’s no point to waste your time or energy on them, and you’ll save yourself the embarrassment along the way.
- Take it outside
Once you’ve got that conversation going, get it out in person as soon as possible. Maybe don’t make your second message “So when can we meet up?” but try to push it in that direction. Tinder emphasizes speed, and people are likely to move on if you take too much time. So if you followed this advice, landed a match, and got that stellar conversation: jump on it. Capitalize on your success and get your date going.
If you are still not having luck on Tinder after following all the steps described above, it is possible that Tinder is just not for you. Tinder is often used for quick hookups and if you are looking for something more longterm you should look into other dating websites. Match is a great place to start if you are looking for a girlfriend or boyfriend and not just a one night stand. View pics for free now on Match.com, the #1 dating site!