Ah, parties. The perfect place to hook up with guys and hit it off. But maybe you’ve been to a few and haven’t seen any results. Maybe you see plenty of cute guys, but don’t know how to approach. What do you say? What do you do? Why’s no one picking up on you, as obviously awesome as you are?
Talking to anyone for the first time can be tough, and doing it with someone you like is even worse. But you can put yourself out there by following the four steps below, and start reeling in the catch.
Step 1: Get Yourself in the Mood
Before going to the party, do what you need to feel powerful and confident. Put on high heels. Wear a racy dress. Parade your Lord of the Rings replica sword around the kitchen. It doesn’t matter, so long as it gets you pumped and ready to dominate. Confidence will be important later on, so soak up as much of it as you can now.
Once that’s done, you’re at the party. Be careful about how you position yourself here. No one wants to be alone at a party, but too many girls around you will make you cloistered. Guys get intimidated by large numbers, and the more girls there are, the more divided his attention will be. Go with a friend, but never more than one or two. If they’re anywhere close to decent, they’ll wingman – or wingwoman – for you. They’ll move the conversation to you, they’ll talk you up a little, they’ll help get things going between you and him. Well, ideally. Even wingwomen can have their flaws, but they’re a good support system to have in place. They put you at ease and can help you get out of trouble.
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Step 2: Dominate
You might be thinking “I’m not funny. I’m not charming. I can’t do this!” That leads to our next step: Be confident. The wilting wallflower too often goes ignored, but how can you blame people when they seem so hard to approach? It can be tough to come out of your shell, but people will gravitate to you if you show there’s something to gravitate to. No one can really see you in the corner.
There’s a second upside to confidence: It’s sexy as hell. Confidence takes the pressure off the guy to engage and get the ball rolling. By doing it yourself, you put him at ease, and maybe impress him a little in the process. He might even start thinking he was lucky to take up with you.
So, be confident, be bold, and if you can’t be that, fake it ‘til you make it. Your worst outcome is a bit of awkwardness in front of a boy you don’t know and won’t see again. That’s a small risk to take.
Step 3: Keep It Going
Control the conversation. Once you have found the confidence to talk to a guy, keep talking. Don’t take the passive role in the conversation. Don’t wait for him to pop questions, or crack a joke. You’ll lose the momentum you got by starting the conversation, and you’ll lose his interest as the talk draws out and becomes stale. Take charge. Ask about himself, what brings him here, who he knows. Get him talking about himself. He’ll have plenty to say and appreciate the interest. If he starts asking about you, then you got a conversation going. Keep it going. Be witty, make a joke, be honest, and be willing to embarrass yourself. Just be you – well, a more confident version of you, maybe.
Eye contact is important. Meeting new people can all make us into shy, shoe-gazing mumblers, but it sends off mixed signals. Keep your eyes up and on him. Try to smile a bit, too. Seem friendly, seem approachable. And don’t be afraid to compliment what you find attractive about him. He’ll be flattered, and it makes your interest clear.
Step 4: Know When to Fold ‘Em
Finally, we come to the rejection step. If the guy doesn’t seem responsive, or if he isn’t asking about you like you ask about him, then it might be time to move on. Don’t try to force it to happen if the guy doesn’t seem to care. It can be frustrating, even a bit humiliating, but you can’t coerce him into liking you. Once a guy’s decided he’s not down to date, convincing him takes more time and effort than finding someone new.
Remember, it’s not because of you. You can’t click with everyone, and there will always be that guy who thinks he’s too good or just isn’t interested. But as the cliché goes, there’s plenty of fish in the sea. Move on, find someone new. You’ll hit more than you miss.