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Finding someone you like spending time with and who makes you feel comfortable can be difficult. Now that you have, you may be considering taking your relationship to the next level and begin having sex. But how should you prepare for the first time you sleep with your boyfriend?
Relax. There’s no need for it to be perfect—and, full disclosure, it mostly likely won’t be. He’s not going to know what really turns you on, and you won’t know all of his preferences either. But that’s OK. Things will get better over time. Here are some tips to ease your first-time nerves and help you both have as much fun as possible your first night together.
Be safe. Talking about sexually transmitted infections may not be the sexiest topic, but it is crucial before engaging in sex with a new partner. One in every three or four adults has an STI, so it’s imperative to talk about safety with new partners. Don’t let discomfort keep you from having this important conversation. Also, be clear about condom usage. Don’t rely on the other person to come prepared—take control of your safety.
Location, Location, Location. Make sure that your first time together is somewhere where you feel comfortable. If one of you has a ton of roommates, out of town guests, or the walls are so thing you can hear everything in the neighboring apartment, go to the other person’s place. Once you’re comfortable with each other, you’ll no longer feel as inhibited and will be better able to deal with these common annoyances. If you know you’ll be hosting, set the mood by tidying up, changing the sheets, getting rid of any lingering remnants of the ex, and setting some mood lighting.
Be Realistic. You’ve probably been thinking about this night for a while, but make sure that you maintain realistic expectations. Having sex with someone for the first time is a new experience and as with most new things, there’s a learning curve. Statistics have shown that most women don’t have orgasms when they’re with a new partner. This doesn’t mean that your sex life will always be unsatisfying. It just means that you’re learning each other’s bodies and you should give yourselves some time to figure it out.
Be Confident. It can be hard to exude confidence when you’re being sexually intimate with someone for the first time. But there are some things you can do to make sure that you’re feeling you best. Wear something that makes you feel sexy. Don’t pick something that you just think your partner will like, but think about the clothes, undergarments, and hairstyle that make you feel the most attractive.
Make Out. A Lot. Foreplay is key to a pleasurable first-time sex experience. Have a long make out session where you touch and explore each other. Focus on both receiving and giving pleasure—foreplay is where you discover your partner’s favorite erogenous zones.
Speak Up. While a lot of sex is about nonverbal things like touch and emotional connection, it’s important to be able to tell your partner what you like or don’t like. It won’t “ruin the mood” if you are (gently) vocal about what isn’t working for you. And it goes both ways: periodically check-in with your partner to make sure what you’re doing is feeling good. With time you’ll probably do this less, but it’s always a good idea to have open communication during sex.
Relax. Being attentive to you and your partner’s needs, it doesn’t mean that you should overthink every little thing that you do. This leads to anxiety and stress inhibits sexual pleasure. Having some nerves about the first time you sleep with someone is normal, but try to focus on what you’re feeling. Get out of your head and focus on your sensory experiences.
Have Fun. Your first time with a new partner will probably be at least a little awkward. But all sex can be awkward. Sex involves all sorts of noises, smells, and facial expressions. If something amusing happens, it’s not the end of the world. Acknowledge it and move on.
There are no hard and fast rules about first-time sexual encounters. Once you have decided to take this next step in your relationship, just remember to have realistic expectations, be vocal about your needs, be attentive to your partner’s pleasure, and relax. Your first time may not be perfect, but if you keep these tips in mind, it will definitely be pleasurable.